What I want in a man

 Inspired by CremolloQuarterPony and Cindy! As written at 1:30am. I apologize for the stream of consciousness. I will update this with a more specific list. i suppose realizing what I want is a process in itself.

I am not sure if I should write “The Man I Want” or “The Man I Want Right Now.” I always thought that they were the same—I, not one for things without lasting significance.

I stare at the porcelain horse head on my dresser and I know where this should go . . .

A man who helps me to cultivate my passions.

A man who brings out the ‘me’ I love.

However, since I love myself unconditionally and love the real parts of me- be it introspective, childlike, giddy, or depressed, perhaps it is better to define this as:

A man who cultivates those parts of me that I am neglecting.

Oh man, how am I ever going to write this list. Ok, note to self: Cultivate those parts of you that you are neglecting.

The man should therefore, see the artist in me. A man with whom I can be a writer, photographer, and adventurer.

I would love a man with whom I could ride horses.


The man should also recognize my ambition and be ambitious himself, for what sexy soul lacks ambition? Which makes me realize, I also require introspection.

A man with whom I don’t intend to work with, but as a unit, we will create something bigger than ourselves. Sharing our businesses, fueling the minds that depart each other every morning, fostering each other’s brilliance and confidence.


A man with whom I can play with, dare with, who will push my limits-on a swing or in the bedroom. Laying on a blanket in the grass as if we were children succumbed to the moment without another care.

Yet, this man has many cares.

He need not have an unblemished past. He may have a perfect family or none. Yet, he should have an understanding of himself- his fears, his inhibitions, his neuroses.


We read in bed. We cook dinner. Share wine. Champagne. We race. We fly. We grow.

I love tall, dark and handsome, but he could be blond with blue eyes and chiseled features. My physical requirement is only that my body yearns for his and that I could get lost in his eyes forever. Luckily, eyes don’t gain weight or age.

My man is honest. Able to give. Able to be classy and dirty. Handsome in a suit, and just as handsome rugged in boots. Did I say I have a thing for horses and adventure?

Passion, tears, immature, serious—nothing is off limits.


. . . . . . To be continued. There is a flying insect pursuing me hungrily and the man is not here yet to conduct his insect-swatting duties.

Oh, just one more for this evening- A man who will take care of the manly things. Pete, the cockroach and Loco the most treacherous bug I have ever known are two things my man would make sure I was without.


That elusive thing called “chemistry”

I am renaming Soulmate to Rediscoveringme because he is not my Soulmate and that I know. However, he was the one that awoke my soul. Quieted the frustration in my decision to be alone. Reaffirmed my decision to not date the great men that would make amazing companions.

I believe last night I was torn, feeling that I had closed my heart to the world. As if I was guilty of the accusations that I keep a fortress around me, perhaps I do, but the walls crumble when someone makes my heart skip a beat.

So, Rediscoveringme just left. When I wrote him that I was conflicted last night, he replied with the most perfect answer of wanting to see me today, not with expectations or to tear off my clothes, but to hear my thoughts. I have only seen him four times now, yet his comment reminded me of what I felt when I first spent time with him.

And again, I feel my role in his life is similar to his in mine. We are each others’ mirror and in it, we see what we already know. I still barely know him.

Yet tonight, I believe I almost made him cry. Earlier I told him what I expressed below. I wonder why this stranger is the one with whom I can share my emotions. And I believe everyone’s goal when dating and meeting someone should be to experience such. I don’t recommend pouring out your heart or unleashing a tirade of emotions, but I believe our goal should be to be “real.”

What makes a date great? What is behind this connection we are all searching for?  What are the date topics and conversations that will elicit such?

I think back to the common link between the men that have given me butterflies over the years. Beyond initial attraction, it was a feeling of shared interests, seeing myself in them, imaging my desired life synergistic with theirs (more to come on this), and always, seeing through a certain exterior that they were generous and had a heart full of feelings (ie. That they are contemplative and not permanently on a high,in in a non-affected, “manly” state. As if, clicking with them would open a world of intimacy and sharing of our deepest thoughts.)

It’s not as simple as a man who makes me laugh or who is intriguing, active, or ambitious.

I think my next post should be “drawing Attainingme’s Mr. Right”, specifying what traits I believe my desired mate has . . .

Is there a common link between the people you have fallen for?