What I want in a man

 Inspired by CremolloQuarterPony and Cindy! As written at 1:30am. I apologize for the stream of consciousness. I will update this with a more specific list. i suppose realizing what I want is a process in itself.

I am not sure if I should write “The Man I Want” or “The Man I Want Right Now.” I always thought that they were the same—I, not one for things without lasting significance.

I stare at the porcelain horse head on my dresser and I know where this should go . . .

A man who helps me to cultivate my passions.

A man who brings out the ‘me’ I love.

However, since I love myself unconditionally and love the real parts of me- be it introspective, childlike, giddy, or depressed, perhaps it is better to define this as:

A man who cultivates those parts of me that I am neglecting.

Oh man, how am I ever going to write this list. Ok, note to self: Cultivate those parts of you that you are neglecting.

The man should therefore, see the artist in me. A man with whom I can be a writer, photographer, and adventurer.

I would love a man with whom I could ride horses.


The man should also recognize my ambition and be ambitious himself, for what sexy soul lacks ambition? Which makes me realize, I also require introspection.

A man with whom I don’t intend to work with, but as a unit, we will create something bigger than ourselves. Sharing our businesses, fueling the minds that depart each other every morning, fostering each other’s brilliance and confidence.


A man with whom I can play with, dare with, who will push my limits-on a swing or in the bedroom. Laying on a blanket in the grass as if we were children succumbed to the moment without another care.

Yet, this man has many cares.

He need not have an unblemished past. He may have a perfect family or none. Yet, he should have an understanding of himself- his fears, his inhibitions, his neuroses.


We read in bed. We cook dinner. Share wine. Champagne. We race. We fly. We grow.

I love tall, dark and handsome, but he could be blond with blue eyes and chiseled features. My physical requirement is only that my body yearns for his and that I could get lost in his eyes forever. Luckily, eyes don’t gain weight or age.

My man is honest. Able to give. Able to be classy and dirty. Handsome in a suit, and just as handsome rugged in boots. Did I say I have a thing for horses and adventure?

Passion, tears, immature, serious—nothing is off limits.


. . . . . . To be continued. There is a flying insect pursuing me hungrily and the man is not here yet to conduct his insect-swatting duties.

Oh, just one more for this evening- A man who will take care of the manly things. Pete, the cockroach and Loco the most treacherous bug I have ever known are two things my man would make sure I was without.



15 thoughts on “What I want in a man

  1. Wonderful! Thanks for writing this post. Contemplating what you wrote is allowing me to make progress on my own “list.”

    Isn’t it amazing how impossible it is write a “list”? Like you said, it really is a process. I wholeheartedly agree with what you said. The things you are looking for are not concrete, although they are quantifiable.

    I think that’s why I have a hard time defining things like the ideal level (or type) of “success” of my perfect mate. I need to be with someone who has an insatiable drive to do more and do better…but does that have to be by academic standards? I don’t think so.

    I am also looking for someone to co-create with. Whatever it is that we co-create will grow from the unique ideas and qualities we share and/or hold uniquely, but combined add up to something greater than what either one of us could achieve on our own.

    So, what does this person look like? In a way I have no idea. But, maybe I do. One of my dreams is to start an animal rescue/training program that does therapeutic work with women who struggle with mental health, substance abuse, and/or domestic violence issues (and/or “troubled” kids).

    Who could help me get a program like this off the ground…and oversee it’s day-to-day operations? Someone like Dave…or Harley? In other words, a narcissistic college professor or a loving mail room manager who has endless patience for people with special needs?

  2. Wow. . I have had a trying day and it so great to be stuck awake, and have both of you “here”.

    Cremolloquarterpony- I think I need to apply your advice to all aspects of my life. Stay focused on what I want. This is really helpful for me, especially today, as I am confronted with major challenges on the work front . .

    Cindy- I love what you envision. I love what you will co-create. I see how this is difficult to simplify in a list format, because such a quality can take so many forms. And often, a desire to do such a thing, is something untapped. So, in a day-to-day, its presence may never be unveiled. . .

    I think about this with myself. I desire to start a nonprofit, but few know this. I yearn for kids, but I am construed as Ms. Career. I am tender, but seen as hard . . .

    Man, how can you define this quality? I read this week that we need to exhibit what we desire and then we will attract it . . Perhaps, if it is evident in your life or even in your conversations about your dreams, you will inevitably see whether a man is on the same journey or could potentially be . . .
    Does Harley or Dave see this in you? Do you make it known?

  3. I don’t know if I have told ANYONE about my dreams. Wow. It’s something I may have mentioned in passing to coworkers, but it’s never anything I’ve told anyone about in context until I wrote it on this page.

    I articulated this dream about a year ago through some exercises in a book called Career Distinction. It’s one of three dreams or directions I articulated for myself. I plan to pursue them all at some point.

    You commented on one of my posts that you find it hard to believe I’m an introvert. This is a perfect example of something that I hold dear to myself that I have never really THOUGHT to share with people. I have grown so accustomed to NOT sharing things about myself that I haven’t even noticed it until you pointed it out 🙂

    I guess I’m already heading in this direction. My current profiles contains the following:

    I aspire to make the world a better place through my daily interactions, my work, my writing, and everything else I do.

    I need to remember to say these things in person. I tend to be too passive. I need to learn to feel more comfortable defining the relationships and situations I find myself in, as well as defining what I see for the future.

    You’re right: I can’t expect people to join me if they don’t know where I’m going.

  4. Cindy!!!! Thank you so much for sharing. I love that you wrote your dreams here. YOu need to realize how amazing you are. How unique your experiences. You seem to discount them in what I have read thus far. Ie. Your childhood- followed by the disclaimer that they weren’t traumatic relatively.
    I understand the disclaimer, but I have a hunch that this applies to much more. Ie. you don’t hold your dreams and values in the regard you should.
    I love what your profile contains now.

    I need to apply the above to my life too. I joined a dating site and i find it is easy to get to the gist of me quickly . .so much more refreshing than what people perceive me to be when they meet me. . . .

  5. Thanks for the kind words and encouragement!

    I think my mom and my sister have both used the “pity me, I had such a terrible childhood” excuse too much. I think I have overcompsated by going in the opposite direction!

    How do people perceive you when they meet you that makes it difficult for them to see you for who you are?

  6. Pingback: Another Fence Down « Cindy, Living

  7. Hmmm . . good question. How people perceive me? Well, if they speak to me, I think they get a decent idea but may misperceive my wants. Ie. I live in two places, therefore, I want flings. Or, I am young, so I want nothing serious. Or, they think I am a finance whiz, which is far from what I do, but somehow is how I am introduced.
    So, either I am perceived as successful and independent, too independent.

    Or too young, just having fun.

    Luckily, most people who speak to me learn that i am nice and kind and warm . . but I feel as if I am gaining much more headway in the written world of dating. I also learned via Rediscoveringme that sharing your dreams with someone as you get to know someone opens up many other doors. If they dream like you do, you will find yourself deeply connected.

    And now, that I think about it . . everyone I share my vulnerabilities with is much more attracted to me and genuinely seems to like me that much more. Even colleagues, friends (aside from some women) etc . . .

  8. I need to get back to your blog when I have more time. I was drawn to this post as I will be posting my own “man list” on Monday.

    Thank you for your wonderful insight on my post about Identity. You, my friend, are exactly right!

    I can’t wait to come back and read more!!

  9. Yes. I need to revisit this as well. When this was fresh in my mind, it seemed as if I was meeting great people. As of late, it seems I meet great noncommittal people . . . I suppose a testament to we attract what we think about.

  10. I added this to my post. I still love it but let me know if you put together another one!! It sounds like many of us want to date the same guy!


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