A net sewn just in time. I remain entangled. The escape peers at me through the woven threads.
I still fail to understand his actions. I cannot help but feel as if he is intending to drive me away. Force my hand, unveil faults and drama. Problem is, I still love. And loving is none of the above.
I have an ability to understand the emotions that drive behavior. Perhaps, I am too close, but I cannot reconcile his words verses his actions. Insecurity, pain, walls, protection cannot explain. I rest on confusion. He’s checked out without being quite ready to lose me. I have him tethered as he has me.
As with anything, the perceived games and continued pressure will force our undoing. I have asked for what I need. Pleaded to feel his supposed love. I will not complain at the lack of answering. There’s a fine line between fighting for love and being blind. I am no sadist. A new job, a new life awaits. As of now, I will let it engulf me. And I won’t let you find you.