The sand sifts under my feet. A wind blows. A decision needs to be made. I am still at my company, barely making anything. 1/5 of what I was before. However, I would rather be working for free. Respected and appreciated for my sweat equity. My stipend affords me nothing, yet it serves to make my boss feel as if my work is paid for. I made more when I was 18.

At this moment, I am not living paycheck to paycheck. If I were, I would be tied to the paltry stipend, it would be my calories. In one month, that is where I will be. And I will be stuck, working and living day-to-day, unable to change directions and afford me any days to breathe.

Today, I have the power. I can walk away and not work for a few weeks. Line up my next venture. However, I am entangled in every negotiation and relationship, the reason I was not fired. I am the one that holds the weight. No one checks in, motivates me, or gives me guidance. I simply hold the key. I look at it and wonder why should I turn it.

I flirt with walking in and saying I am leaving. I don’t believe he could let me go. I don’t necessarily want to go. But I refuse to be here a month from now, strapped and dependent. I am not quite sure what to do . . .


10 thoughts on “Decisions

  1. I’m been there before. I did turn in my key and now I make half of what I made before but I am so happy! I wish you luck in making the best decision for you. Trust your instinct!

  2. Ok. Thank you. Yesterday was quite a painful day. You have all reaffirmed what I already knew deep down but was avoiding.

    I have stayed because I believe if we start our “projects” I will be happy, but the start of them is contingent on me making a miracle happen and one that I question is worth the effort for someone else, especially when that someone isn’t supportive or appreciative . . .

    I realize I have always moved when forces have helped me to do so, but I have never quite pulled the plug on my own . . . Yes, guns blazing would be quite a feat. hmm . . .

  3. I changed my job in a really hard, emotional time in my life and my life has been spiralling out of control (in a good way) ever since.

    Maybe you’re in a bargaining position?

    The world is a scary place during this global economoic crisis. But whatever happens, remember you will be at the end one day soon and you’ll be happy and it won’t matter how you got there, just that you’re alive.

    Best of luck whatever you choose x

  4. I say go, 100%. Looking for a job is a full-time job in itself, and you’re going to need all your time and energy to do it.

    And re: what Errant Gosling said? HELLS YEAH.

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