The artist picked me up from the airport last night. I entered his car on a business call. It was 10pm. I said aloud to my client that I would email it shortly as I was almost home. I believe the artist had other ideas, dinner or drinks. He drove away his eyes avoiding mine. Today he writes on Facebook, “The magic is gone.”

I was up until 2am preparing an LOI for the aforementioned call. Having not had dinner, I needed sustenance. At 1am, I ventured downstairs for a Subway wrap and a coffee– ever grateful that they never close. As I descended my stairs, I found myself approaching a nature’s symphony. The water danced madly, howling and screaming on the dead Avenue. It was as if time had stopped. The Avenue without passing lights. The gutters overflowed and buckets of water clamored on the tiles before me. I stood still- trapped behind my porton. A homeless man slept huddled in the corner, and ever so politely remained outside my enclosed foyer, even though it was open and always is, even though it would have offered protection. A makeshift sleeping bag, a makeshift roof– cardboard. I am still in awe at how even in such desperation, he refused to encroach. I stood and waited. Watched the orchestration. Amazed at its vigor. 

I haven’t seen such rains in forever. This morning confronted me with 2 inches of water collected in my sala. I arrived to work sometime shortly before 11am. Much later than normal. And my day is overwhelming, much like last night’s weather. “The magic is gone.” Simultaneously, I receive this from an ex who moved to Costa Rica after I moved to PR:

I am sorry I haven’t written you back – honestly,  i try to get you out of my head more than in. You, us and all that was is strangely persistent in my thoughts.

I am in a relationship now – which is well…fucking odd, considering that Ellie is living with me and so many things are tied to this new life. Even more odd is its the first relationship I have had since we were together – we did quite a number on me.

That said – this is not the reason I haven’t written – not girl jealousy or anything like that and I have been fully honest with her about who you are to me and what we were (at least my perspective). The thing is my mind wanders to “Attainingme” much too often for my own sanity and as always I still hear songs that i’d rather remember in your humm.  

So you see i haven’t changed. As much as I wish I had. I am the same as the last time I saw you. And that is the problem.

And I just discovered the facts of this weekend’s plane crash- 6 died. I know. I feel hollow. The link to Venezuela. I don’t want to work.


6 thoughts on “Crescendo

  1. I really wish my first comment on your blog was able to add something to the conversation, rather than just another blogging voice joining your amen chorus; but I have nothing. Your writing has left me breathless and wordless again, and sent me scrounging for my journal to either tear pages or wait for inspiration.

  2. I wish I knew more about the artist, and more about the ex, but most of all; more about you. Your writing eludes to your life and I find myself using much more of my imagination than I would like to.

    Either way, beautiful writing (again)

  3. restaurant refugee- Thank you. I don’t quite think I have an amen chorus. Your words do not fall on deaf ears. I truly appreciate them. Thank you again.

    Katie- i don’t mind being more transparent and adding more facts should you have any specific questions. But, yes I suppose I am elusive even in reality. Different masks as Errant says . . . and thank you.

    Invigorated- North Carolina?! Not yet.

    Errant Gosling- I am also curious. I am curious as to why my mind travels to you in moments outside this blogging world.

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