I was about to jump- Goodbye job, Goodbye life

9-20

What a week. Feelings of depletion that I have not felt in forever. Overwhelmed. Stressed. Images of growing new appendages as I could not imagine another way to conquer this.

Thursday night, PROBIOTIC asked me what happened to my eye—I had no clue. Walking to the mirror, the hollowness in my face astounded me, the dark circle beneath my left eye rendered me a Rascal- look-a-like. PROBIOTIC then explained that dark circles are the physical manifestation of liver or adrenal issues. Translation: too much drinking or too much stress. Ding Ding! The winner, the latter.

Friday afternoon a sense of calm enveloping my like a safety blanket. On the verge of tears before I went to eat. Upon returning, the world easier, my mind subdued as if in a Xanaz coma, aware that there was only so much I could do and I finally surrendered as if the anxiety induced motivation disappeared.

Which brings me to a thought-motivation. Workaholism is great and is somewhat necessary for productivity. But where is the fine line between being motivated, able to endure working countless hours and balance?

Yesterday I found myself in a stranger’s body. In pilates, my body stiff, however lean but without the athleticism and energy it normally possesses.


This week was also one in which my mind danced and tiptoed into the battle zone. Thoughts of needing to transition and reinvent. Thoughts of leaving my job. Haven’t I done this too many times before? Not prepared to enter survival mode. Not ready say goodbye to my life on the Island, yet I searched for back up, my mind was disassociating. I realized with trepidation, that if I crossed that line, that in fact is what will happen. My week’s thoughts spanned from “whatever happens is what is meant to be.” Ie. “Maybe life on the island is not where I am suppose to be” to acknowledging the power of my mind. That my mind is the conductor here if it so chooses to be.

 

SO while I have my ticket in hand for the train that is departing, the destination: A new book, a new path- an artistic life perhaps? I sit and know I can instead enter a new chapter. Adapt my life now for it offers all I want. “

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One thought on “I was about to jump- Goodbye job, Goodbye life

  1. Pingback: The Palin Backfire

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